I am a work in progress.

I realized after coming home from the grocery store tonight that my life is full of contradictions. Example: I relearned that going to the grocery store at midnight when you're hungry for junk food is a bad idea. I came home with some sugary cereal (sorry Mom, but don't worry, my goal is to only use it to supplement the boring unsugary cereal, not replace it!), buffalo chicken strips (do I really need those?), and toaster strudels (they were on sale and I've never tried them... I had one when I got home and was disappointed at their processed-ness), among other things (a few "healthier" items in the mix). I could sense my guilt as I swiped the items through the self-check out at Smith's. I almost put some of it back, but I was too tired by that point. 

I know that junk food is bad. I like to think that I am stronger than junk food. Often, I am. My sophomore year of college, my roommate Emily and I went without sugar (junk food sugar, that is) for 6 weeks. I remember that to celebrate our victory, we decided to go out for dessert. We both felt sick afterwards, haha. I guess our bodies had adjusted to the no-sugar thing. We had beat the craving!

Anyhow, I think this applies as a larger principle. We have ideals, but how fully do we always live them? Hopefully, we live the ones most important to us as best as we possibly can. I think of the gospel--that is one thing that I want to consistently place first in my life. But I'm still not perfect, and I know that placing my priorities will need to be a daily decision.

Another thing I think about is recycling. As a third grader, I remember writing about the importance of recycling in an essay as if I were Al Gore. But now, despite my good intentions, I still often use plastic bags at the grocery store (instead of paper or cloth bags) and I don't always recycle everything. I have a long way to go.

Of course there are a million other things I could mention... these are just two small examples. It's hard sometimes to realize that our actions do not always match our intentions. But, I think life is all about bringing those two together in steady improvement. I'm trying to focus on the possibilities of being better tomorrow without dwelling too much on the failings of yesterday. Reflection is important though in this process. I guess that's why I like thinking (I could spend a LOT of time daydreaming if I wanted to), talking with friends, writing in my journal, praying, blogging. It helps me recognize where I'm at. Eventually, I will be a better recycler if I make it a priority. I will eat healthier if I stay committed and avoid the grocery store at midnight :-) We're all a work in progress. It's humbling to be reminded of that.